Joy and Mier: Our voice can save another woman's life 

2021-02-11 10:53:14


	ANKARA - Deciding to take self- defense courses after being harassed by some unknown men, Maple Joy and Debra Mier underlined that even knowing they can defend themselves changes a lot and said: "Getting togetger, organizing, supporting each other gives all of us strength."

	 

	While women are organizing against all kinds of oppression and violence they face all over the world, they also learn how to defend themselves. The number of self-defense courses for women all over the world increases everyday against the politics pursued over the female body, the abuse and violence against women. Most of the women taking these courses agree that they feel stronger in every way.

	 

	Most of the women taking these courses have a history of violence. Maple Koy and Debra Mier who live in the United States decided to take these classes in the National Women's Martial Arts Federation (NWMAF). Joy and Mier who underlined that where ever in the world you live, you may face violence and you have to be prepared, said knowing that they can defend themselves makes them stronger.

	 

	We spoke to Joy and Mier about the changes in their lives after self- defense classes.

	 

	How did you decide to take self-defense classes? What was the incident that drove you to this decision? 

	 

	Maple Joy: Before I took the first self defense course, I was living by myself. And I often took the same route home and I left the house and come back at the same times, going between home and work. And one morning I had left my apartment and I walked the usual three blocks from home to the train station and I was about a block away and then I abrubtly turned around and I noticed that some guy had been following me. And then when I turned around I had actually startled him, got really flustered and disshovelled, it looked like that he was surprised, he didn't know what to do and as I continued to walk, I crossed the street, I kept turning around and then he just abrubtly walked into the coffee shop on the corner. And then When I got to the train station, I stayed there for about 5 to 10 minutes to make sure he wasn't following me, and he wasn't. And I gotr on the train and then I went to work. And then the next morning I left the work at the same time but I switched my route slightly different by going down another streetI passed a man who was walking in the opposite direction so I was going one way and he was coming. And when I passed him, something inside me told me to turn around. And I turned around and now even a few seconds after passing this man, I saw that he was now going in the same direction that I was going. He turned back.And I could see in his face that he too was also disshovelled and I think I had startled him because I had turned around so quickly. And then I kept walking and then when I turned around again he was coming after me. As I continued to walk to work I had rattling thought running through my mind and I even checked with the police departmentand theys aid there was nothing that they could do unless someone actually tried to harm me. They told me I could call them if I felt like someone was following me in the future but there was still nothing that they could do. So at that point I knew that I had to do something to feel safer and try to protect myself because I was completely uncomfortable and in fear so imn December 2018 I took a core program and then in December 2019 I took defense against multiple assailants and I hope once we are beyond the pandemic I'm hoping to take defense against an armed rapists.

	 

	Debra Mier: I first started to take self defense courses many years ago when I first moved to Chicago. I am originally from Florida, and the place I was from is much smaller. So I was moving to Chicago which is a much larger city.And I was feeling uncomfortable about that. So I took a weekend self defense course which taught me a few techniques, different things I could do when I was feeling uncomfortable. It felt more like a intellectual process at that time where I learned techniques but I didn't really feel differently.So I had an opportunity to teach english in Japan. When I was there I was approached one night, very late, by some men who was harassing me, asking me to go with him. He was following me and kept asking for me to go with him. I said NO. Go away leave me alone. He continued to follow me and I was feeling very nervous and I used my loud voice and I said, leave me alone. But he came up to me, put on of his arms on my shoulder and grabbed me on my chest.  What I remembered was what I learned from this class I turned around and I had a key chain in my hand so I punched him with that key chain in my hand. He was shocked. I just ran. I ran really quickly and I hid behind a car. He went back to his car and stood there looking for me. But it gave me time to get away. So I was very scared. But when I came back to United States, I still felt uncomfortable walking around in the city and it wasn't until many years later that I was working at an organization and there were a number of women I worked with that seemed very confident and they walked around really differently. And I was curious about that. So I started talking to one of them and she said she was taking this self defense course. She said I would really like it. I told her I took a class before and it helped but I didn't really feel differently. But I was curious so I signed up to the class that they took. And it gave me an opportunity because the class was where you had a chance to actually feel your power. It was helping you not only learn the techniques and the moves of self defense but also it gave you the opportunity to actually strike and hit something. And it was giving you the opportunity to actually use your voice loudly. Before when I took the course it felt like it was mostly intellectual. But this allowed me to phsycially feel my power and feel my strength and hear my own voice. And so that really made all the difference, because I was able to answer for myself to scary questions like what would I do if something happened? I not only now had some techniques but I had my voice. And yes I did use my voice before and I was succesful. I was successfull in Japan when that man grabbed me. But this other course allowed me to use my voice more fully and it helped me feel more confident afterwards.

	 

	Would you recommend women to take self-defense training? At what age should this education start? 

	 

	Joy: Yes I would absolutely recommend that. Because I don't know how it is in Turkey, I think here the youngest age you can take self defense classes is 16. So I would definately recommend that, especially if you're gonna go off to collage, you're gonna be on your own, living by yourself..

	 

	Mier: There are many classes and many organisations that offer self defense and body awareness classes for young people. Helping them learn to establish a boundry. A verbal boundry. Which is self- defense, right? Protecting our bodies. Some classes are offered for very young children and I think that's really helpful. I think that the younger we can get this information to people the better. I wish I had that type of information when I was younger. What it helped me understand is that my voice has a meaning and power. And that I have the ability to create a boundry and to expect that people respect it. And listen. So I think it's very helpful for young people, yes.

	 

	What kind of women did you meet in these classes?

	 

	Joy: I met women from all different backgrounds, one women was a hair stylist another worked at a retail store, we have a high school student and also a collage student. And I can tell you that I relate to many of their stories that we share during those classes. I remember one woman spesifically, she shared her experience, while at work she felt extremely uncomfortable when a man kept following her around the store so in some former fashionI think women can relate to these shared experiences because we all been through these experiences.

	 

	Mier: The wonderful thing that the classes I took there were very diverse women, from young girls to seniour citizens. And what I learned is that everybody had the abilty to protect themselves, which was beautiful. That our bodies, even if we are very small or very old, have power. That was really a lovely thing to see. Many women in the class, just about everyone has their own story. For some it has been more tragic then the others. There are people who have been impected by physical violence or sexual violence or emotinal abuse. It felt like everyone was impected by violence in some way in their life. One particular story was really impectful to me. I'm also a social worker. I was talking about this class to someone I knew who was a young mom. She had a lot of anxiety. The anxiety was really preventing her from working. It was preventing her from taking care of her children the way she wanted to. Because of her own history. She had abuse in her history. So I said 'You know, this class might help you. Help you find your voice to find some self- cofidence. So she took the course. And she did beautifully in the course. I was privilaged to see is that over the next year she started to make some significant changes in her life. And for the first time, in many many years, she got a job. She had the confidence to apply for a job and then she actually worked her way up to being a manager in her store. It was quite beautiful to see her claim her power and claim her life back. That's one story that comes to mind for me. 

	 

	How has your life changed after you started the self-defense course? Did you know about these courses before? 

	 

	Joy: To be completley honest I never felt one way or the other about self defense  before my experience, I just knew that these classes were available to women for various reasons, but after taking self defense classes, it meant so much to me. You have instructers that really trying to understand what you're going through. They listen to your experience and become a support system to make you feel comfortable and better prepared and through both of those classes, they not only taught me but also reminded me that the physical and mental strength and the power to protect myself is within me.

	 

	Mier: 

	I actually didn't think about taking self- defense courses until someone suggested I explore a class. What did we do and how it might help me. But I think what it gave me was an opportunity to feel my power and feel my strength and find my voice. That's something no one can ever take away. And it gave me self- confidence. I recognize my physical power, and I think I was always afraid of my power, but now I know I have it no one can take it away from me.Now what it did for me is I am now able to make changes in my life. I've changed careers, I have taken on some adventures I never thought I could do. So its giving me the sense of power and self confidence that I didn't have before.

	 

	What was the first thing that changed?

	 

	Joy: My confidence has completely changed after, just after the core program. I felt more confident walking down the street again, I felt comfortable going to the grocery store not wondering if somebpdy was following me, I felt confident enough to know that if someone was following me or making me feel uncomfortable I could defend myself. And in general I am more aware of my surroundings, I pay more attention when I'm outside of my home and especially when I'm by myself.

	 

	Mier: You know I told you about my experience in Japan, I wouldn't go if I hadn't took the first class. That was a huge move for me to go to a place that I didn't speak the language. And some of the techniques I learned in that class, unfortunally but fortunally I was able to use to keep myself safe. And then other changes.. I felt more empowered to go for things that I wanted. There's a job I want to apply. I'm gonna apply. I took more risks for things that I tought would be good for me.

	 

	What would you recommend to women who have been subjected to violence? What should they do in case of attack? 

	 

	Joy: One hundred percent fight back! I feel like in some cases I know we were trained like, when someone is in your home to kind of follow along until a certain extent and then fight back, but I would say, one hundred percent fight back.

	 

	Have you ever been subjected to violence after the training? How would you react if something like this happened to you? 

	 

	Joy: I have not been personally exposed to violence but sometimes you may see something happening to someone else and it doesn't necessarily have to be physical either, it could be someone screaming and yelling to someone and in the core program we learned bystander training. How to assist someone that may need help. So even if something isn't necessarily happening to you, you may be in the position to help someone else. Often times like if you are in a position like when you're walking down the street, m aybe you see a women who is in an uncomfortable situation, someone is yelling or screaming at them or looking at them in a certain type of way, if you hear that women say NO or that she's uncomfortable you can also approach that situation and back her up, saying she said NO. You have to make sure you're very vocal and loud about it instead of just walking by. 

	 

	Is learning self-defense against violence enough? What must be done to fight against violence against women?

	 

	Joy: I think that is helpful. It's like educating and sharing your experiences and I think having that support system can be incredibly helpful. Especially if you're living those situations like if you're in a violent home or a relationship.

	 

	Mier: I think there's definately strength in numbers and that when women are supporting one another, that's incredibly powerful. I think that something making us feel more empowered is that you can use your power to help others. If I see something is happening to another woman I can use my voice to offer my support. To help. Coming together, organizing, supporting each other gives strength to everyone involved. 

	 

	In light of your gains and experiences in self-defense courses, what is your message to the women in Turkey?

	 

	Joy: I would say don't live in fear. Empower yourself with the tools and the resources and the knowladge so that you feel comfortable confident and fearless. And even if you're not the person living these experiences, be that listening ear and support system that someone may need. Don't turn away, help however you can because that could be the difference in someone making out of a serious situation. If my family and friends had not listened, I don't think my outcome would have been the same. 

	 

	Mier: You're beautiful. You're powerful. You are worth defending. I apprechiate the work that you are doing. Because I think that when you talk about women organizing the most important thing we have the most powerful thing we have is our voice. And so you giving an opportunity for women to use their voice, to share their voice, to reach out to others to gather is incredibly powerful. So I apprechiate just being able to share my experience. Everyone's journey is differentBut what I do know is that what we learn and experince are a power that no one can take away from us. 

	 

	 

	MA/ Gözde Çağrı Özköse/ Zemo Ağgöz